[note: click the image for a slightly bigger, but no better photoshopped, version!]I'd like to take a break from frivolous concerns to talk of something of great importance.
Ass Bowels.
If you're like me, and your ass bowels are in rough shape, with expulsions everywhere and general hootenanny of the colon, I heartily recommend this new medication, developed by a crack team of gynecologists in sunny Zamibia. Dildoprex HANK is not like the Dildoprex that may or may not have caused you to be born with birth defects. Reformulated for today's hard-charging, fragrant concertgoing youth, Dildoprex HANK is almost entirely without the risk of explosive renal failure you may be accustomed to from older, more busted formulations of Dildoprex.
Dildoprex is not a drug. Dildoprex is different.
The best way to describe Dildoprex HANK is to imagine for oneself a brightly lit, used, but freshly whitewashed canvas, ready for a new painting. This canvas is stretched across a balsawood frame, sitting on a worn easel in the living room of a mid-size one-floor bungalow. Next to the easel, sitting carelessly on the floor, is a palette. On this palette are various, warmly colored splashes of paint. Some are wet, and glisten cheerfully in the light; others are old and dried, stubbornly clinging through repeated scrapings. On the palette, carefully set so as to avoid rolling onto the drab, orange-red carpet, is a single, stiff-bristled paintbrush, recently dipped in rich cerulean.
Through the window, the sun shines on the canvas, and through the dappled pattern of brightness the previous painting is barely visible through the whitewash. It's a painting of an eagle, and though only fragments of it can be seen, it is clear the painter was a master of shading. Even through the whitewash, it's clear the painter's previous effort is largely an attempt to work through an incomplete understanding of artistic perspective. This failing is forgivable as it was clearly a work of learning, and, moreover, a work of love.
One looking at this scene, enjoying the fragrant breeze blowing through the open window, might feel almost melancholy. As a painter, or perhaps even as one who merely knows a painter, or has thought about painting before, one must realize that to use this canvas would obliterate at last the ephemeral, yet still very visible last traces of a tragically imperfect work discarded, perhaps, too soon. One lets the tears fall where they will. After a time, the painter must set to work, and soon there is real progress being made as the artist loses him- or herself in the craft once again.
In this allegory, it is very clear that you are the artist. You are the one holding the brush and majestically blocking in stripe after stripe of cerulean and slate gray. You are the one contemplating an inner vision that will bring joy to their hearts. Dildoprex HANK is part of this vision.
Dildoprex HANK is an icicle formed from the shit of a bear.
As you can clearly see, these are important matters. Don't let this opportunity fall by the wayside. If it were me, and it is, I would advise anyone, and especially you, to seize the chance to purchase this magic preparation from the brilliant chemists of Zamibia. Do not wait until the FDA gets hold of this miracle pill. They wouldn't understand.
Only you understand. You are so beautiful.
So, so, fucking beautiful.
Save your Ass Bowels with Dildoprex HANK.
