http://steelseries.com/products/surfaces/steelseries-5l
2011 EDIT: I actually edited this old blog entry to make sure that the link at the top here points to the product, since the Alienware site no longer mentions it. I believe The Offspring said it best when they asked me "Na, na, why don't you get a job?"
HAMMER: Only $39? But how can they build it so cheaply, you may ask? I mean, for fuck's sake. It has five layers. Your average mousepad? Many, many fewer layers. Rumor has it, Anvil, that your mousepad only has like, a third of a layer.
ANVIL: That's the Alienware difference. Five layers. A crack team of Alienware mathematicians has determined that this is a full tenfold improvement, layers-wise, with relation to your old and busted mousepad.
H: That's right, Anvil. Let's talk about the layers a bit.
First, there's plastic.
And it only gets more luxurious from there.
Underneath the plastic layer, there is a layer of cloth. Yes, unbelievers. We dare to say it. Cloth.
A: But don't worry. You won't damage this rare and wonderful cloth by touching it.
H: No. There is a layer of plastic over the cloth.
Next, a layer of soft polyisoprene is injected by elementals--
A: --expensive ones--
H: --from the mysterious Plane of Ice. This is not your garden-variety isoprene. It's far polier. This will impress your friends and infuriate your enemies.
A: As will telling them you spent over forty bucks on this thing. Forty dollars! That's quality, folks. Shit, around here the best thing forty bucks will buy you is a lecherous wink from that sixty-something hooker with the wooden leg that hangs around the handicapped stall in the men's room at the liquor store.
H: Not that you'd know, right?
A: Just go to the counter and ask for "Hörtense."
H: Or just follow the syncopated clacking of her pegleg on the bathroom tile. Not that I'd know.
After the soft polyisoprene is carefully inserted, the SteelSeries 5L Mousepad is turned over by a crew of very highly-trained specialist cats. On the bottom of the soft polyisoprene layer, more luxury is added in the form of the finest plastic.
A: I must hasten to point out that this plastic is thicker than the other plastic and so doesn't count as a re-do of the first plastic layer. If the two layers of plastic were of identical thickness, you could plausibly accuse Alienware of artificially inflating its mousepad layer count.
But they're not, and you definitely can't.
H: As if all this plastic and foam and cloth weren't enough precision mousing surface for you, Alienware has tipped it off with the cream of the crop. The layer crop, if you will.
Really, they're practically throwing in this layer for free, Anvil, once you factor in manufacturing overhead, economies of scale...
A: Static variables, oligarchies, the relevant externalities involved...
H: Yes, all the things that make a $39 mousepad worth every penny. This last layer is so very much a layer, that my very soul quivers with appreciation.
A: Of its layeriness.
H: Exactly, Anvil. This last layer - which is very, very much a layer indeed - is known as "rubber elements." That is, and I'm quoting from the website here, "Small soft rubber elements ensures complete non-slippery steadiness." The very quality of the editing of that sentence proves, by proxy, the quality of this, the fifth layer.
A: The fifth layer, while it is called "Rubber Elements," is absolutely not little rubber feet on the bottom of the mousepad to keep it from sliding. Right, Hammer?
H: Right, Anvil. Because it's hard to really call that a layer. Thus, that would be artificially inflating, as we've mentioned, the layer count. A true five-layer mousepad such as this one needs no artificial layer-count inflation. Therefore, let's just change the subject quickly.
A: Hey, doesn't foam rubber - uh, I mean soft polyisoprene - already have a pretty high-friction surface as it is? You'd think it'd keep the mousepad from sliding all on its own, without that famous fifth layer of "rubber elements."
H: Well, it would definitely keep the mousepad from sliding all around the desk, but there happens to be - if you'll recall, Anvil - a thick layer of decadent plastic in the way. A very necessary, opulent layer of lush plastic. I know you're not suggesting that this is some meager, dime-store three-layer mousepad. Anvil. I know you wouldn't dream of it.
A: Of course I wouldn't, Hammer. This mousepad is thirty-nine dollars.
H: Plus tax and shipping and handling charges, of course.
A: Relevant externalities.
