Hammer's grill sits in a glass on the table. It is sitting in some sort of denture cleaning solution, and little bits of foul-smelling purple glitter are being carried to the surface of the fluid by the effervescent bubbles. Hammer's grill is an awful thing.
Anvil resolves to pitch the whole thing, glass and all, into the trash as soon as Hammer's back is turned.
ANVIL: Hey... what's that, Hammer?
Anvil points at something in the corner of the room. Hammer turns to look, but looks back in time to catch Anvil throwing the grill in the trash. Hammer is indignant.
HAMMER: Dammit, Anvil. What the hell? That was my best grill, dude.
A: Sorry, Hammer. That thing was stinking up the whole room. All those bubbles in that denture cleaner... rubbing all along the... whatever it is that your grill was made of... absorbing its foul essence through contact, only to burst to the surface and release noxious vapors into the atmosphere...
Anvil spends a few quality seconds trying to think about it without vomiting. The air in the room now smells like a profane mixture of Pine-Sol and fried onions, with a hint of both boiled broccoli and skunk.
A: Man, that thing is eating a hole in the trash bag. Seriously, can't you buy a grill that isn't imported from Hell? That thing is eldritch. That grill is a perfect example of why humanity cannot be allowed to live. It's like an Aesop's fable, some Brothers Grimm shit.
Anvil warms visibly to his insult, leaning forward and beginning to gesticulate.
A: The start of the story, the start of the whole hideous mess, is that you are warned not to mess with powers beyond your comprehension by an elderly witch. Naturally, your tragic flaw is hubris, so you immediately invent this fucking grill. To build it, you willfully use parts that were scattered to the four corners of the world by the gods to prevent exactly this occurrence. Yada yada, hero's journey, the grill is cast into Mount Doom, and the moral of the story is, fuck you and your grill too.
Hammer just sort of stares at Anvil. Eyes slightly unfocused, eyebrows slightly raised.
H: What?
A: I, uh, sorry. Yeah, that was a little much. Look, I'll buy you some rhinestones later and we can glue a set of dentures to 'em.
H: Yeah! We'll put the rhinestones in a plastic bag, cover the dentures in rubber cement, and drop 'em in.
A: It's like Shake 'n Bake - and I helped!
H: OK, Anvil. I think we're getting way off topic. Didn't we have something new and internet-related to discuss? Ah, yes, here I have my notes: "Discuss Godwin's Law and its use on the internet." Who wrote these notes, Anvil? This isn't my handwriting. Why do I have notes telling me what to do?
A: Ahhh, yes, the topic. Godwin's Law. What is Godwin's Law? Godwin's Law is a cute little statement formulated by some guy I don't remember the name of, that states "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1."
H: Anvil, if I didn't write this, and I've never seen this piece of paper before, why did I look in my pocket for it expecting it to be there? Anvil... why do I have notes telling me... to have a discussion with you? What the hell is going on? Is any of this even real??
A: So the gimmick is, someone's going to compare something to Hitler in an argument on the internet. The joke is that it will always happen, given a discussion of infinite length. OK. That's fine. It's both trite and pointless to point it out habitually, but it's fine. It's probably true. However, what is really bad is what it's turned into on the internet.
H: Anvil! Seriously, man! I'm freaking out! Why is this...
Hammer trails off. He crumples in a heap on the floor, and Anvil continues, tossing the needle in the trash can.
A: Godwin's Law has been transformed. Its original intent was a gentle, but general, reminder not to cavalierly compare trivial unpleasantness to the Holocaust. Now, on the internet, basement-dwelling nerds treat it as an argument finisher. Anyone who mentions Hitler or Nazis immediately has someone respond "GODWINSLAW! You lose argument!"
When did this come about? Who thought this was a good idea?
Godwin's Law was originally kind of a remark about bad argument. It reminds people that the Holocaust is a really major thing, and comparing little things to it is probably a bad idea. It's a really bad idea for the additional reason that doing it is inflammatory; your opponent in a debate is probably not going to respond favorably to you comparing something (that he's probably defending) to Adolf Hitler.
But now, Godwin's Law is being misused, and in fact furthers bad argument. Now, anyone who makes a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler in any way - justified or not - is dogpiled by the kind of smug internet nerds that we all know and lov... uh... that we all know.
"You've heard of a little thing called Godwin's Law, right?" "GODWIN MUCH?" and other extremely clever variants of this.
The problem is, now people on the internet can use this to avoid reading or responding to an argument posited by the other person, because that person happened to break a completely arbitrary internet rule when making an assertion. As I said, it furthers bad argument.
Moreover, it's still not OK to argue ad hominem just because you've slapped a cute name like "Godwin's Law" on it. You're not really making an assertion when you misuse Godwin's Law in this way, and you haven't made a point. You are using a meme to argue.
H: This makes you an idiot.
Hammer, unnoticed by Anvil, has awakened. He chimes in suddenly to bark this sentence with venom.
H: Using an internet meme to prove a point is a stupid action. And not thinking about things before you respond to them does a disservice to everyone involved. I know it's just arguing on the internet, but wouldn't it be nice to at least pretend everyone's maybe out to earnestly exchange views? I have a proposal.
A: By all means, expound, Hammer. Did you enjoy your nap?
H: When Hitler or Nazis are mentioned in any way in a debate, Godwin's Law is invoked, and the target is said to lose the debate. How about this. This is an open suggestion to anyone and everyone. I propose Godwin Slaw. It operates very simply.
Godwin Slaw: The first person who mentions Godwin's Law in any way has lost all credibility because invoking it is not an argument!
How's that? The goal is not to have another quick way to falsely win arguments - the goal is to stop the memetic misuse of Godwin's Law in the same way as Godwin's Law successfully stopped the rampant misuse of unwarranted comparisons to Hitler. It did its job, now let's kill it, because the cure has become the disease.
A: [REDACTED], incidentally, has no interest in trying to take credit for this. We just think that this modern formulation of Godwin's Law is complete shit, and we are trying to counteract it.
H: We're against areas of low information content in discourse, especially if those areas spread memetically.
A: We propose, in the spirit of solely furthering the message, that when Godwin Slaw is invoked, it is invoked necessarily not with that name, but with a name of one's own choosing if one wishes. Preferably alliterative. I'd call it Anvil's Antipode, for example. Look, call it whatever you want, the name isn't important. But this ad hominem Godwin's Law shit has gotta stop.
H: Q. E. D., you fucking goons.
